Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: What if the things you spent your teenage years trying to change about yourself were never the things that needed changing? Welcome back to imperfectly honest Kayla here. And that's just one of the questions at the heart of this conversation between Elizabeth and Blair Haysman, founder of Girls Thrive, a Montana nonprofit focused on building confidence, positive body image, self esteem, and healthy relationships with fitness and nutrition for young girls. The idea for this episode took root when Elizabeth started reflecting on what she'd tell her 13 year old self if given the chance. And while body image is a central part of this conversation, Elizabeth and Blair also talk candidly about the ways that girls learn to compare themselves, make themselves smaller, apologize for their strengths, and sometimes abandon the things they're naturally good at simply because they've been told there's a safer or more acceptable path. What's especially powerful is that both women realize these lessons don't necessarily disappear when we turn 18. Many of us carry them into adulthood, into our careers, our relationships, our health, and the way we see ourselves.
So whether you're raising a daughter, navigating your own relationship with your body, or simply wondering what messages shaped the person you've become, I suspect there's something here for you. Because maybe the question isn't just what we would tell our 13 year old selves. Maybe it's what they still need us to remember today.
So enjoy the conversation.
[00:01:38] Speaker B: This isn't imperfectly honest.
I'm Elizabeth and after about four decades I'm shifting from the person I always thought I should be to the person I really want to be and part because I've learned to be honest both with myself and just about everybody I encounter. It's not always perfect, sometimes it's a rocky road. But I'm learning a lot by being imperfectly honest and thought you might learn something too.
Hey listeners, I'm excited for our first podcast where I am actually sitting in the same room with my guest Blair. Thank you so much for being here.
[00:02:18] Speaker C: You're so welcome. Thanks for having me.
[00:02:21] Speaker B: So I had a conversation with a friend the other day who has a 16 year old daughter and he was talking about the challenge of raising a child to have a good and healthy body image. And it made me think about the things that I liked and didn't like about the way that I looked at my own body when I was 13 to 16 and put me down this entire rabbit hole of curiosity about what would I tell my former self on how to do things better.
I can't think of anybody I'd rather have this conversation with Than Blair.
Blair, can you introduce yourself a little bit to just give us some context for the conversation?
[00:03:18] Speaker C: Sure. Yes. My name is Blair Haysman. I'm originally from Northern California, but I've lived in Montana the last 15 years of my life. I met the love of my life on the triathlon team at CU Boulder, and he told me on our first date that if this went well, I would end up in Helena, Montana. And turns out he was actually quite correct.
I have a long history with body image. I started struggling around the age of fourth or fifth grade, right around the time where Molly Barker, she's the woman who started Girls on the Run, started talking about the girl box where a lot of girls at that time period start doing things to impress other people rather than to impress themselves. And we'll get more into this.
But had a long history of struggling with body image, self esteem, self confidence, despite having a really wonderful supportive family. And it's made me transition to my life's work, which is Girls Thrive.
I took over the Helm in 2015 and made girls Thrive a nonprofit organization.
We have been thriving ever since. We have two different programs. I can talk more about that now or more as we get into the questions.
[00:04:33] Speaker B: Let's just talk about now.
[00:04:35] Speaker C: Dive in now. Okay, so Girls Thrive is a nonprofit organization that's on a mission to inspire girls to empower themselves through not only physical activity activities, but also educational lessons. So we're focusing on positive body image, self esteem, self confidence, all the things that I struggled with as well as many of my peers struggled with growing up.
My experience, I have learned, is not something that's uncommon for girls of these ages. And the research is coming out and is showing that it's not. Actually, there's been recent research revealed that between the ages of 8 and 14, girls self confidence plummets by about 30% during those age variations due to a variety of issues of experiences.
These are things that are happening in girls lives. These are body changes. These are mental health struggles. Being girl is tough and being a boy is tough too. I can't speak to it, although I'm raising two of them.
But there's just a lot of things that we've learned along the way. And my biggest life's mission is to change the way that young girls see themselves and see themselves in society moving forward and to help them find these physical activities that help them feel good about themselves, bring them joy, bring them health, bring them friendships, and improve their overall social, mental, overall well being.
[00:05:58] Speaker B: Love it.
Serendipitously, when I was thinking about this conversation.
I randomly read a piece of writing that I wrote when I was 14, and then a friend of mine sent me a picture of me when I was 15.
And what I learned from looking at both of those things is that I have increased my confidence by maybe a thousand X is what it was when I was that age.
And I am not that much different.
And I am really proud of all the things that I've achieved and the person that I've become.
And it just made me laugh because if I could have just embraced the person that I already was, rather than thinking that I needed to be so much better to be quote unquote worthy, I would have saved myself so much anguish.
[00:07:00] Speaker C: This is literal box.
[00:07:01] Speaker B: It's the girl box. But I actually think this is true for a lot of the men that I know, although I will say so. I spent a decade investing in startups as a venture capitalist, and I have seen literally thousands of female entrepreneurs pitch and male entrepreneurs pitch. And oftentimes men will just deliver a pitch and say, I'm going to be able to pull off this seemingly impossible feat with very few problems because I'm just good enough to do it. And women often start a pitch or a presentation or say something really important by starting with some sort of an apology, even if they are extraordinary.
And I saw this picture of me, and I remember this moment now, 30 years later, actually, about exactly 30 years later, that I was traveling with my parents and we were at the beach on this lovely day, and I was in a bathing suit, as one does at the beach. And my mom said, let's get this family photo and remember this moment. And I remember thinking, oh, my gosh, I'm going to be in a photo in my bathing suit.
And my mom talked me into taking the picture.
And I saw that picture 30 years later, and I looked great.
And I had these shoulders forward. I had this look of horror in my face.
I had all these clear signs that I was not confident doing that.
Does that resonate at all with you?
[00:08:41] Speaker C: Yeah, 5,000%. And, you know, growing up when we did, we didn't get to see the photo right after, thank goodness, because now it's very different for teenage girls. Oh, show me the picture. We make a disappointment at girls thrive when we take pictures. We don't look at the pictures right after we say, you know, send you pictures after. This isn't something that we're going to look at and dwell on like we're in the moment. Yes, we took a picture. This is irrelevant. Yes, absolutely. I mean, I think, you know, if you took a room of 10 women, all 10 women would say the same thing at that age, that they probably wouldn't have wanted to be in the picture and being stood at that age.
[00:09:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
When did you start to pay attention to the way your body looks?
[00:09:20] Speaker C: Yes, fourth grade when my other friends were developing physically and I did not have any breasts.
And boys always teased me about it and they would write on my yearbook, flat chested across my phone.
Boys were very unkind. The girls had their unkind moments too. Yeah, that's when I started realizing that, wow, I just wasn't good enough as who I was. I also got called Hairy Blairy for having hairy arms, which I'm very proud of at this point in my life. But yeah, people, kids were ruthless. I don't think I'm the only one who came out of elementary school scarred by these experiences. But yeah, it started very early for me, unfortunately.
[00:10:02] Speaker B: Wow. Well, I can't remember exactly when I started paying attention to my body, but I definitely remember really being conscious of it in middle school.
And for me, it wasn't that I was developing more slowly, it was that I was one of those kids that was always active and could eat anything that I wanted. And then I hit puberty and that no longer became the case.
And I grew up on a lake, so I spent a lot of time in a bathing suit. And I just remember constantly being conscious of the way that I looked in that bathing suit and all those things.
[00:10:46] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:10:47] Speaker B: So have you lost that consciousness?
[00:10:50] Speaker C: No, it's still there, but I know
[00:10:52] Speaker B: how to shut it off.
[00:10:53] Speaker C: And I know myself, through years of training that we're so much more than our body. Like our body is literally the least interesting things about ourselves. Yeah. And this is just, this is training. This is, you know, I've had to do this. My body's changed so many times over having two pregnancies, I had a set of twins, I have a singleton. Just hormones, you know. Now I'm getting older and getting into the perimenopause stage and things just constantly are changing with my body. And so I'm always able to come back to that and tell myself that my body is literally the least interesting thing about me. And that's something that we always share at girls thrive and we think about what our bodies can do for us rather than what they look like. And we try to focus on what we're doing rather than what we look like, what we're doing.
[00:11:37] Speaker B: I like that. And on this podcast I like to explore both sides of the story.
So I want to admit that I feel a little nervous about what I'm going to say because I don't want it to be misconstrued. So I just want to remind people that I always have good intentions with what I'm saying, and if it's misconstrued, I hope I'll learn something from it. Does anybody know?
So, first of all, I've learned a lot about the way that I am perceived because of the way that I have looked, especially over the past few years. And I want to start by saying there are many people in this world who find me completely unattractive.
And I'm saying that because I am conscious enough to know that I kind of fit a lot of descriptions of a conventionally beautiful woman.
I have long blonde hair, which, by the way, are hair extensions that Blair had to fix for me on the way in. So, yeah, that's a lot. But I have long blonde hair, and I am tall and slender, and I have met a lot of people who are totally unattracted to me because there is not a universal attractiveness. There are people who I have met that I have thought. I cannot imagine a single person in this world who would think that they were attractive. And there are plenty of people who would break through walls to be with that person.
[00:13:13] Speaker C: Absolutely. Beauty's in the eye of the beholder. Yes. That saying is so true. Yeah.
[00:13:19] Speaker B: And I do think that image matters, but I think that image, it doesn't always have to be in the image that we see in magazines and on the Runway. Magazines is kind of an outdated term, I'm realizing as I'm saying it on social media and on the Runway. And I think that there is something about being your best body and your best self that sends a message.
It says, I care enough about myself to be the best that I could be. I value health.
I am disciplined. And I think looks don't make or break people, but they can get you in the door. Do you agree with that or disagree?
[00:14:01] Speaker C: I agree with some of it.
[00:14:02] Speaker B: Okay, for sure.
[00:14:03] Speaker C: I think there's definitely a pretty privilege, which could be like a whole other podcast for you, but then there's this whole other piece that let's take the power away from beauty. You know, when we're talking about bodies being beautiful, let's take.
How about instead of all bodies are beautiful, all bodies are good bodies? You know, everybody's body has a purpose. Right. And we have to find what makes us feel good about ourselves to Take care of ourselves, to do this for a lifetime, to be in this health category. And strong looks a different way on everybody. Strong doesn't look the same for everyone. Everybody's body is different, and that's okay. And that's just something that we've all had to grow towards.
[00:14:41] Speaker B: Yeah. And I think. I'm sorry, I'm learning in this conversation that there is a difference between being your healthy self and being your most beautiful self, because beauty is subjective.
And I think that being your healthiest self gets you 99% of the way. There anything that you disagree with that statement?
[00:15:07] Speaker C: Yeah, I just. I keep, like, going to this image of, like, the magazines telling you what health looks like.
[00:15:12] Speaker B: Right.
[00:15:13] Speaker C: Not only the magazines, the social media and stuff. Stuff. And again, I'm just going to come back to health looks different on everybody. And honestly, my body is nobody else's business other than myself. You know, it's the same thing. Like when my kids are commenting on somebody's body and say their body's none of your business, you just don't comment, like, let. Let people live their life. So there's parts and then parts I disagree with, and that's okay.
[00:15:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:37] Speaker C: Why we're having this conversation.
[00:15:38] Speaker B: Yeah.
Yeah. And there are objective health standards, though.
[00:15:43] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: When you are obese, that puts a strain on your body. When you are underweight, that puts a strain on your body.
And let's talk a little bit about your experience, if you're up to it to being underweight.
[00:16:00] Speaker C: Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I almost died.
I.
Yeah. So ever since fourth and fifth grade, when the boys would always tease me, I had girlfriends at the time who would tell me my outfits weren't sexy enough. One of my girlfriends growing up took a red Sharpie to my pants, my jeans that I just bought, and told me that they weren't sexy enough.
So there's been a lot of time that I have felt like I was not enough and that it was all related to my physical being.
So this is when I started retreating inwards and thinking to myself, I was just really unhappy and just wanted to, okay, well, if I can look like a Victoria's Secret, then everything will be fine.
[00:16:44] Speaker B: Right?
[00:16:45] Speaker C: Those women have it all anyway. Yeah. Just a lot of. A lot of hard things. But so I started not eating a lot because we were starting the conversation in health fast about calories versus fat. And for some, somehow it got in my head that I only needed to eat a thousand calories a day. Somehow I have no idea where that came from.
And so I was like, okay, great, I'm just gonna like eat a bunch of pretzels. It says that the pretzel bag has zero grams of fat on it. So I won't gain fat because there won't be any fat Anyways. As you can tell, this downward snowballed very, very quickly.
My family was on it. I went to the doctor. She immediately made me drink a little thing of orange juice, which I had the hardest time drinking because my pulse was like in the high 20s. And she had told my mom that if I kept this up, I wasn't going to live anymore. Of course, my mom is a fantastic mom. I have a fantastic family. They're all very supportive and they were able to get me the help that I needed. I had to be hospitalized for two weeks. I had to be on a all liquid diet.
It was very, very uncomfortable. But I quickly learned that I actually was not the sickest person in that hospital. And I knew that this was not going to plague me for the rest of my life.
I knew that I was going to get out of it and because I had such a supportive family.
So I got out of the hospital, had all the psychiatric resources. And again, this is a first world problem, which I also struggle with because I recognize that this is a problem that I was able to receive the help for which I feel guilty about, but it works. And just accepted that I can just be grateful for what I got. Anyway, I was released from the hospital and unfortunately in two days I had like lost a pound because my family went for this family walk and I didn't eat enough that day. And anyway, I could walk through the weeds of that whole situation. My poor family.
And then my heart rate was too low. They had this heart rate threshold of 46 beats per minute, which I naturally have a low heart rate. Anyway. My heart rate now is like in the 30s, but I'm healthy.
So anyway, I was already just destined to be hospitalized again. But I think I needed it again. This is in eighth grade.
I had all my sports taken away. I really had to focus with a therapist about relearning to eat and understand that my body had so much more value than I was giving it and that I needed to eat in order to participate in sports, which was my favorite thing, sports and dance and all the activities.
So then, yeah, I eventually just started thinking better. Although, I mean, it was just like probably a 10 year period of my life where it was just like a really negative headspace. I got into running, of course, because somebody told me it was the fastest Way to burn calories for the least amount of time. So I'm like, sure, let's try it. I was actually really good at it. I was the top runner at my school, a top runner in my division. Recruited myself to a D1 school. I wasn't quite the top runner of the date one school, far from it. But I knew that I wanted to be better. And anyway, two years into that, the coach had sat us down after the team did not do well at nationals. I didn't make the national team. I wasn't top seven.
And he had said that if we weren't 12% body fat, we wouldn't be allowed to race. And this whole just mind shift just happened that day.
And I emailed our assistant coach who had helped get me on the team. And I just said, I'm studying physiology right now. And that's when women start to lose their periods.
I know this isn't healthy. You know, I've had my own eating disorder for the last 10 years. I don't need some old guy telling me that I need to be 12% body fat in order to be good at running. That's so backwards to me. And I brought this to my assistant coach. I brought this to the head of the athletic department and was not listened to because I was not the fastest on the team. I ended up quitting the team anyway. Now, 18 years later, that coach is no longer a coach because more people have come up. But I was one of the people who started that conversation. And there are people on that team who will have. Will disagree with me that they had different experiences. But I know what I heard that day at practice is that we were going to be bog potted, which is a body fat measurement. You have to wear all spandex and sit in this space suit, essentially.
And I knew in that moment that this sport was no longer for me.
So that's a really long winded way of saying I've had a lot of different experiences with body image and how that's shaped who I am and who I've become and the kind of parent that I am now.
And I wouldn't have traded it for the world because I get to do what I get to do now and hope, hope to save a lot of girls from the reckless experiences that I had when I was younger. So.
[00:21:42] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:21:42] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:21:43] Speaker B: So I did not find that to be long winded. There was a lot in there.
And I want to catch you because this might be a teachable moment for others. And I know you well enough to know that you'd be open to this. So when you said that it was long winded, it was almost an apology like we were talking about before.
So if you allow yourself to be your most confident self and the Blair who really trusts that you have made it through to the other side and have become an incredible woman, what would you say? And like, I don't know why I'm crying, but what would you say? And to just sum up, this is what I've achieved in 18 years and without apology, how would you say that?
[00:22:35] Speaker C: Yeah, learning to stand up for yourself, know when situations aren't right, know how people make you feel. And if those people make you feel like you're not your best self or you're not good enough for them, then you need to walk away. And that's exactly what I did with the cross country team. It just was not a good situation for me anymore. And trust me, there was a lot of backlash for that. It's not like I just walked away completely unscathed and didn't have to deal with the ramifications of that after.
It was tremendous. But, you know, I always learned from a young age to trust myself, and that was what my gut was telling me to do. Like, why would I listen to this person tell me that I need to be 12% body fat when I've already been, like, trying the last 10 years to just take up the least amount of space that I possibly could?
Just learning to stand up for yourself. Yeah, Easier said than done, but sacking the bricks.
[00:23:26] Speaker B: Well. And I think you've taken it much
[00:23:28] Speaker C: further than learning to stand up. Yeah, right.
[00:23:30] Speaker B: Because you have taken that traumatic experience to change the lives of many, to basically change the lives of everyone that you come in touch with, just because that's the way that you hold your work self in the world and also to create this organization.
So before we go further, because there's so much we could dig into there, I just want to say that people listening might be thinking, oh, well, this will never apply to me. I will never run at that elite level.
I have never gotten anywhere close to being hospitalized. This isn't for me. It's not for my daughter. It's not for my sister.
And I just want to make the point that these things manifest differently in different people. And I don't know a single woman who is not engaged in at least some unhealthy behavior in the name of achieving the body that they want or think they should want. Do you know a single woman.
[00:24:35] Speaker C: So I have to say that yes, I do know women who have thankfully escaped this immense pressure, but I will say it's not many.
[00:24:45] Speaker B: So you're not alone.
And if you are thinking that your mother, wife, child, sister doesn't have some of these issues, I guarantee you're wrong.
So I just want to share a little bit about my journey for some context as well.
So I have only been underweight for a very short period of time of my life when I got sick.
And I have had unhealthy eating behavior for my entire life.
It started just because I didn't know how to eat in a nutritious way, just because I grew up in the Midwest before there was the science that we have around health that we do today. So I didn't know I was doing things counter to my health, but I was.
And then it was because I wanted to achieve a body that was hard to achieve.
And then it was because I just got busy and didn't take enough time to eat. And then it was because I had digestive health issues, and I was afraid of having those digestive health issues at work or during a big social event. And so I would wait to eat.
And I'm saying all this because that behavior actually has had significant effects on my health, also on my happiness.
And I imagine that there are millions of other people who have a similar story. And whether they know it or not, their body image issues and their lack of nutrition and health and fitness education is driving them to engage in unhealthy behavior that's affecting their life.
So from this point forward in the conversation, I'd like everyone to assume that they have something to learn from this conversation.
Okay, so you founded this organization to help teenagers have more confidence.
What is the best piece of advice that you give to teenagers now that you didn't hear when you were a teenager?
[00:27:09] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Your body is an instrument, not an ornament. And that comes from beauty Redefined. These two wonderful women out of Utah who were kind of the pioneers in teaching young women about body image. They're one of the first curriculums that I purchased for girls Thrive to be able to teach girls about body image. Because I didn't know how to do that. I had to figure it out and figure out how to teach it and figure out how. And listen, we've had some lessons that haven't landed, and we've had to grow from that. We've had to talk to the girls and do focus groups. And how would this be more comfortable for you to talk about? Has been a lot of learning along the way. But essentially learning how to talk to girls about body image was a huge part of it.
[00:27:53] Speaker B: So there might be some parents listening.
Is there something that you've said that had good intentions but went awry?
[00:28:00] Speaker C: I was trying to think of a good example for this, and I just didn't have one. And I meant to ask my husband if he could think of something. I don't have a good one, unfortunately.
[00:28:09] Speaker B: I can share something that was said to me with good intentions that went awry.
[00:28:15] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. I could definitely share that on that
[00:28:16] Speaker B: end of the spectrum. Yeah.
So when I got sick, I dipped down to a dangerously low weight, and I didn't quite know how low I had gone, in part because of the progress I made with my body image.
So I stopped using a scale because I felt that that wasn't productive for my body image issues.
And I now actually think that occasionally weighing yourself is important because you can lose track of how much you've lost or gained.
And I don't think that I was fully seeing myself in the way that others were, because when you see yourself every day, you don't see when there's a dramatic shift because it happens slowly.
And someone in my life was scared for me.
And instead of asking me questions about how are you feeling about your body and what have you done to promote your health and all those things, they just assumed that it was their job to be my hero and said, when's the last time you weighed yourself? Will you get on the scale right now?
[00:29:35] Speaker C: Super helpful for somebody who's struggling.
Don't overdo that.
[00:29:41] Speaker B: Yeah, don't do that.
Don't do that.
And you know what?
I needed to get on that scale because I almost threw up when I saw the number. Number. It was way lower than I thought it was.
And there was a much better way to do that.
So I find that before giving advice, it's good to start with some questions.
And I think asking things like
[00:30:11] Speaker C: how
[00:30:11] Speaker B: do you feel about your body?
And how do you decide what you're going to eat each day? And how do you decide how much you're going to eat each day?
And are there any questions that you have about health and nutrition?
Also, I think sharing some of your own journey and being vulnerable enough to do that.
My mother was bulimic for seven years. She's given me permission to share that publicly, which is really brave.
[00:30:39] Speaker C: Sure.
[00:30:40] Speaker B: And I didn't know that until I
[00:30:42] Speaker C: was 40 years old.
[00:30:43] Speaker B: And I often wonder how things might have been different if we could have had a conversation about that. Absolutely.
[00:30:50] Speaker C: That was. That generation, you know, Red didn't talk
[00:30:53] Speaker B: about that stuff because it wasn't comfortable.
[00:30:55] Speaker C: And they were taught that that made you weaker.
[00:30:57] Speaker B: Right.
[00:30:57] Speaker C: To admit it.
[00:30:58] Speaker B: Yeah.
So on the topic of weaker, I was listening to a podcast that I sent you. That was an interview that I did with Nicole debum, who's a professional triathlete turned entrepreneur.
And in that podcast, I shared that I had run this race that she organized. And on the race, there was a sign that says, be strong. You never know who you're inspiring.
And that's another thing that I've really learned, that often it's not what you say or how you approach a situation, it's whether you're the change that you want to see in the world.
And if you live your life in a way that supports a healthy body image and being your strongest self, then sometimes that's enough to get the influence that others want.
Absolutely. Yeah.
I had something that came up with a girl in your program that I didn't quite know how to handle. Okay.
So Blair hosted this confidence clinic, and I was privileged enough to be invited to volunteer for this and to spend some time with the girls. And they did a ropes clinic and paddle boarding and Pilates, and they learned about nutrition and. Anything else you want to add about.
[00:32:20] Speaker C: Yeah. Being their best selves, Being their confident selves.
How to manage friendships, how to set goals. And I should clarify that our program manager, Kate or Kami, and also Katie, did the bulk of the work in providing that confidence clinic. I am in the supervisory role, so it was there. But definitely don't want to take credit for amazing work.
[00:32:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:44] Speaker C: So.
[00:32:44] Speaker B: Well, it was an incredible experience with incredible girls.
And I was asking a couple girls what they wanted to do when they grew up, and almost all of them had a suggestion that had been given to them that they had adopted as their dream.
[00:33:04] Speaker C: A suggestion from somebody else.
[00:33:05] Speaker B: Right. That so and so thinks I'm good at this, as they say.
Right. In part because they couldn't say, I'm really, really good at art, so I'm going to become an artist.
And what I noticed in this trend is that they were limiting their potential because someone had given them a mediocre suggestion.
And this woman, who I found to be incredibly talented and driven and creative, shared with me that her mother had suggested that she become X.
And in my opinion, she is capable of so, so, so much more than that suggestion.
And I didn't want to insinuate that her mother was limiting her potential and that perhaps her Mother.
Because of likely the people who had limited their mother's potential wasn't thinking big enough.
And I didn't quite know how to handle that.
So what I said was, oh, okay, great. It sounds like your mom wants you to pursue a path that you will be successful in.
And I said, from my experience and now meeting with thousands of female entrepreneurs who are the top 1% of people in this world, I think that you might have that talent level.
And so I would encourage you to think really big.
[00:34:59] Speaker C: I love that.
[00:35:00] Speaker B: And what I wanted to say is, don't ever listen to your mother again.
[00:35:10] Speaker C: Yeah.
It's a lot to unravel. Right. And we're not expecting our coaches to unravel that.
[00:35:17] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:18] Speaker C: In that moment. And, you know, another thing is what. What do you want to be?
[00:35:23] Speaker B: What.
[00:35:23] Speaker C: What lights you up? Where do you feel the most confident in your abilities? And it's okay if you don't have an answer now.
That's why we try different things at Girls Thrive. We're from trying different sports. We're interacting with different people. We're learning different things so that we can find something that they like and that they're good at. Because everybody likes to be good at something. Right. And everybody is good at something.
[00:35:43] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:43] Speaker C: Have to find it. It's one of the whole reasons behind why we do so many sports. Because I was given the opportunity as a kid to try everything because my parents didn't have limitations on what I could try. And so I was able to find things that I was good at. And that helped me grow my self confidence. And so this is just a whole, you know, comes back to the very beginning of Girls Thrive and just like finding something that you like and that you're good at and, you know, spark a flame of interest and lead you to a different, different picture.
[00:36:12] Speaker B: Yeah. And I want to underscore that because the other thing that's happened to me as I've been thinking about my former self, is that I followed the path that people told me I should follow.
So I went to a school in a town that was the largest stop on the railway between Detroit and Chicago. And it was all auto manufacturing.
And my teachers told me that becoming an engineer for the auto industry was the best path for success and that science and math was what mattered first.
And I spent most of my school career trying to be mediocre at math.
And I am not good at math.
And I am really good at what we're doing right now. In high school, I was voted the most likely to become A talk show host.
[00:37:06] Speaker C: Oh, here we are.
[00:37:08] Speaker B: Here we are.
And I never pursued that because I thought that was such an example experience.
[00:37:17] Speaker C: You are talk show.
[00:37:18] Speaker B: Yeah. I thought it was too big of a dream.
[00:37:21] Speaker C: Yeah. And never too late.
[00:37:24] Speaker B: Never too late.
And I am still limiting myself because I'm afraid to really believe that I could be top notch, quality talk show host.
[00:37:37] Speaker C: I believe we can.
[00:37:38] Speaker B: Thank you. But I often wonder if I would have poured as much blood, sweat and tears into what I was good at rather than what people told me I should pursue because it was a safe route. Where would I be today?
Might I be Oprah? I'd like to think maybe I could have been.
[00:37:56] Speaker C: I believe it.
Maybe I didn't notice that it was better. Yeah. Now you know, the wheels are turning. Now, you know.
[00:38:03] Speaker B: So is there something that you were really good at that you were afraid to pursue?
[00:38:08] Speaker C: Yeah, I think I would have been a great orthodontist, which is what my dad was.
Okay. And I really regret not pursuing that field because he worked such long hours. And I knew I wanted to be a mom.
Yeah, it's really hard. So I studied physiology. I had, you know, all the education, but I didn't have that desire to take it to the next level because I knew it didn't feel like an option to me to have, you know, to marry a full time dad, essentially, because if you're a female orthodontist who's raising your kids, you know, you need raising kids as a partnership. And I saw that my mom had to give up her career in order to help raise us. And she was able to. And again, the privilege piece of that, I completely understand and see that. But that was what was modeled for me. And so I loved it that my mom always picked me up from school. I love that my mom was at all of my soccer games and all of my dance competitions and take me, took me to the traveling soccer team. You know, my mom did everything because she wasn't an orthodontist.
Right. And so I. But now looking back and now seeing my oldest go through orthodontia, I'm like, should have carried on the Snyder family tradition. I feel like it would have been an awesome orthodontist. Just understanding, like, how teeth fit in people's mouths and it really is quite an art form.
So, yeah, that would be.
I think looking back, I would have changed courses a little bit had I known that there's a way to marry someone and make it a partnership. I think that's a whole other podcast also.
But I Feel like as women, you know, we tend to box ourselves in a little bit, especially if we do want a family and don't want to have to hire a nanny or have daycare and have all these ways that you have other people help raise your kids because you're out doing your professionism, you know, an individual conversation. And not an individual conversation, but individual decision and the bigger conversation, I guess.
[00:40:08] Speaker B: I agree. And Blair, never too late.
So I pursued a different path. I just assumed because I was a woman that I would become a mother and that I would follow the path that my mother set for me, which was that she would stay at home, mom who picked us up every day from school.
And I just assumed I'd wake up one day and block that.
And that day never came.
[00:40:39] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:40:40] Speaker B: And I am proud that I figured out that I had choices because that actually was not my initial message that I gave myself because I thought I wanted to have kids and I had trouble getting kids and that I had trouble having kids.
And so the universe kind of just helped me decide that. However, I will say that now I have met many extraordinary moms like you who have taken that path.
I have met fathers who have been stay at home fathers. I have met married couples who are partners who just figure it out. And actually, I want to say something that I heard from Renee Brown yesterday that I just love. She said that she and her husband sit down every day and say, where are you today?
Are you at 100%? That's your ideal energy.
And if they don't make up 100% between the two of them, then they figure out something else. She might have a day where she's at 20 and her husband's a 10 and that's just not going to work.
And sometimes it takes a village.
So all to say we have infinite choices in 2026.
And just because you're a woman or just because you grow up without the means to go to college, or just because you think that you can't do it, or that you think that you need to become a mathematician or engineer instead of a talk show host.
[00:42:17] Speaker C: We have choices and everything is figureoutable. This is my new life mantra because for so many women, they want a list of how to do things and you just have to figure stuff out. Most of the time you have to figure it out. So everything is figureoutable.
[00:42:34] Speaker B: And sometimes you need to ask the question of whether you actually need to solve the problem that you're solving.
[00:42:40] Speaker C: Sure.
[00:42:42] Speaker B: Yes.
So what advice would you give to your 13 year old self that you have not yet shared. Okay.
[00:42:52] Speaker C: This is such a big question.
I would tell myself to trust yourself, to listen to how you feel around other people.
If other people are making you feel like a lesser version of yourself, then you should find some other people who don't do that and hang out with those people.
I would tell myself to compare myself to other people less and understand that my own journey is what matters most to me.
I came up with this phrase when we were doing this long relay race post college where it was run your pace and enjoy your space. It was a three day relay race. I was just trying to. To hone in. And that really helped me too. So run your pace and enjoy your space.
Yeah. And think about what your body can do for you rather than what it looks like.
So when I'm running, I'm thinking about how strong my arms are because they're pumping my body forward. I'm thinking about how grateful I am that my heart is able to pump this blood and oxygen to all my muscles to keep them moving. I'm grateful for. For my brain that's allowing me to think about where I'm landing on my feet.
So much. There's so much that I would tell myself. But at the end I would tell my. Tell myself to trust your gut and to listen to your. Listen to your body.
[00:44:16] Speaker B: Great advice.
I would underscore all of that.
And I would say, I would tell myself that just because I came in dead last in every single event for field day, first through sixth grade.
[00:44:30] Speaker C: Doesn't mean anything.
[00:44:31] Speaker B: Doesn't mean anything. Nope. I competed in my 90th triathlon on my 45th birthday.
Thank you.
And got my personal record on that day.
[00:44:44] Speaker C: Amazing.
[00:44:46] Speaker B: I would also tell myself that there is a time for everything.
So I talked a little bit about being underweight.
I also spent some time being overweight to the tune of about 40 pounds overweight.
And I had a lot of fun gaining those 40 pounds.
It was a lot of pizza eating with friends. And part of that time was when I was studying abroad and I was enjoying pasta in Italy and wieder schnitzel in Austria and all those things.
And I don't think you're meant to have all the answers. It's 16 or 18 or even 45. Yeah.
[00:45:34] Speaker C: Everything's figureoutable though.
[00:45:36] Speaker B: Right?
And sometimes if you don't fall, you're not trying. And failing is what teaches the most.
And I wish I just would have accepted that I was the best that I could be for today.
And there's this concept of junk miles, which I also learned from Nicole.
[00:45:56] Speaker C: Boom.
[00:45:57] Speaker B: And the concept is when your body is done, if you go on a run and then at the end you start to feel like you're shuffling with cement shoes, you need to stop. And that is true of everything. It's true of a conversation with a friend when you're feeling like, I'm just getting tired and I'm not getting anything more from this conversation.
And it's true when you're eating pasta in Italy, studying abroad. I did not have to have three plates of pasta in Italy. I could have had a healthy portion of pasta and enjoyed that experience just as much.
And then lastly, I want to actually share some advice that Jane Miller, who was the CEO of Rudy's Bakery and she took that company from a company that no one knew to one of the leaders of gluten free baked goods in a nation, amongst other things. She's an incredible woman. And she also happens to be a conventionally beautiful woman.
And I've asked her some poignant questions about whether using her looks to get in the door was something that she did and would continue to do. And she said, everyone is a package. Would you hide how smart you are?
I love that too.
And I find that women often hide a lot of their best qualities because they are not told that allowing themselves to shine is the best way for them to be strong. Because you never know who you're inspiring.
And I would also lastly tell myself that as much as you try to get biceps, no matter how fit you are, your biceps are not going to be big.
[00:47:53] Speaker C: Or maybe they are. Everybody's body is different.
[00:47:56] Speaker B: That's the crazy part.
[00:47:58] Speaker C: That's true. I can lift the same amount of weight as you at the gym and our bodies will still look totally different.
[00:48:04] Speaker B: Yeah, it's true. They're not going to be physically bigger strong. I can guarantee. Everyone, right? Strong is different on everyone. That is 100% true.
So just figure out who your best strong self is. And often it's the things that feel easy to you that feel harm to others.
All right. Anything else you want to share today?
[00:48:26] Speaker C: No, I think that's sounds great.
[00:48:27] Speaker B: How do people find out about Girls Thrive?
[00:48:30] Speaker C: Yes. So we are located in Helena, Montana.
We are still localized, somewhat, somewhat small nonprofit organization but on a mission to inspire about 200 girls in the next calendar year. So very exciting for us. We have a website, literally girlsthrive.com we have ways to volunteer as a coach. If time is your availability, we have ways to donate to improve Programming, we have ways to be involved at events. Basically get in touch with us and we can help you, connect you with a way that you'd like to be involved.
[00:49:06] Speaker B: Great.
And I may or may not suggest that we edit out small and localized in a way that sound a little
[00:49:16] Speaker C: bit apologetic to this.
[00:49:18] Speaker B: Right.
[00:49:18] Speaker C: Apology. I'm just falling a spade. A spade.
[00:49:21] Speaker B: I'm going to tell you that there are probably some very influential, globally powerful people who will be listening to us.
[00:49:28] Speaker C: Well, useful.
[00:49:29] Speaker B: And what I think you can learn from Blair, even if you are not going to spend time in Helena, Montana, is that taking the model that she has, and I think the unique thing that she's doing is not only teaching girls how to be strong in sports, but teaching them how to be strong with their mind and with their confidence and with the way that they approach fitness and nutrition and mental health makes a difference. Integrating all those things is important.
And I will never forget that this conversation that I had with a woman who founded an extraordinary nonprofit called Walking Mountains, which by many standards would also be considered small and localized about the impact of local organizations, because she, like you, is smart enough and strong enough to do just about anything. And she decided to focus on her local community because sometimes being a big fish in a small pond is how you can easily make progress, especially when you are raising three small children like this person sitting next to me.
And that building a model in a local community that you can achieve by being a big fish in a small pond easily, and then taking that model to change the world is sometimes so much more impactful than starting on a global scale.
So, Blair, I can't wait to see what ripple effect you create from Helena, Montana.
And thanks for being an amazing human.
[00:51:09] Speaker C: Thank you. Likewise.
[00:51:10] Speaker B: Thanks for having me. Thanks. And one other thing that I would tell myself, which is I've cried maybe three times, whether you know it or not. And I have some judgments about that because I think strong women should not cry.
[00:51:22] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:51:23] Speaker B: And I can't help it. I just had to to lean in.
[00:51:28] Speaker C: And I cry all the time.
[00:51:29] Speaker B: And I have learned that sometimes tears can get you what you want.
And also sometimes being a strong woman who is not afraid to cry can be extremely inspiring.
[00:51:42] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:51:43] Speaker B: All right, listeners, until next time.
[00:51:48] Speaker A: The imperfectly honest podcast is for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. This podcast does not provide medical advice and is not intended as a substitute for the diagnosis and treatment provided by a licensed, trained physician, psychotherapist, or other health professional. This podcast expresses the individual opinions of Elizabeth and her guests and does not constitute professional, medical or mental health services in sharing her experiences. Specific names, places, and other identifying information may be changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.
